The battle of the experts

Something very interesting when down on Facebook last night. I follow Pinky McKay (popular lactation consultant) who published an article on BubHub called “Does my baby need a feeding routine?” What makes this interesting is that Tizzie Hall (Sleep Professional) took offence and posted a response.  I follow both these ladies out of interest first and foremost, but because they seem to be the extreme of each other. Here is their argument.

Pinky McKay wrote, “expecting a baby to eat according to a strict regime, which restricts the duration and quantity of feeds, is not only unrealistic but can also contribute to a failure to thrive.” What Pinky is basically saying is that if you put your baby on a feeding timetable, they won’t put on weight.

Tizzie Hall wrote in response that, “if this was true why would special care baby units put prem babies on a feeding and sleeping routine to help weight gain.” Interesting counter argument don’t you think? All three of Tizzie Hall’s babies were placed in special care units. She then goes on to say, “to get discharged from hospital all three… had to be on a four hour feeding routine.” What Tizzie is saying is that feeding routines encourage weight gain.

Now most of you would be familiar with Pinky McKay and Tizzie Hall. So, for a new mum out there I can see why parenting can be so confusing. So who is right? Both have years of experience and training in their field. Can they both be right?

Here is where I stand, exactly in the middle. I think they are both right. Why does it have to be one way or the other? Shouldn't there be a healthy balance between the two? Why can’t lactation consultants and sleep consultants work together? Food and sleep are the two basic needs of a newborn, apart from love. When I work with a family who has a newborn, I look at both. Establishing healthy feeding is a priority but so is sleep. If your baby isn’t eating well, they are not going to sleep.

If you solely look at feeds and whenever your baby cries you feed them, this will encourage them to snack feed and fall asleep on the boob. The feed will not be complete. Only having a little food in their tummy will mean your baby will cat nap and wake up hungry.

If you solely look at a sleep schedule, your baby may in fact be hungry and you will have lots of crying as you try and force them to sleep. This is not fun for any mother or baby.

My advice is to educate yourself on both topics. Choose someone like me who will sift through the extremes and actually teach you how to read your babies tired and hunger cues. Having a loose schedule helps you to determine if your baby is tired or hungry. Forcing a baby to eat when tired isn’t the answer either. Establishing healthy sleep habits from birth does not include any sort of ‘cry-it-out’ methods. Not all sleep consultants are militant about schedules and hopefully the same goes for lactation consultants.

If you are confused and do want a little direction, contact me about my newborn programs. Arming yourself with the right information is about making your job as a parents easier, not harder.

Janelle Jeffery

Sleep Coach and owner of Sleepytime

www.sleepytime.net.au

Here is the link to the Pinky McKay article http://www.bubhub.com.au/hubbub-blog/does-my-new-baby-need-a-feeding-routine/

Asking for help can be hard

I can be quite an anxious person. When things start to get on top of me, everything else seems to snowball.

Over the past five years, there have been a series of huge events that have happened in my life. For a perfectionist trying to keep all the balls in the air, my anxiety does a very annoying thing - it manifest at night. All day I can keep myself busy, pretending the problems are not there; but at night, when the house is quiet, my mind switches on. 

As a baby sleep coach I find it quite humorous that I have trouble sleeping. Without consolidated sleep, my level of anxiety increases and though I try to fool myself that everything is fine, I just can’t keep it together. I can cry at the drop of a hat or explode if my husband looks at me the wrong way. Poor sod! I seem to have permanent PMS.

Last year when everything reached it’s peak I was starting to show physical symptoms as well as emotional ones. I was chatting to my friend on the phone when suddenly I burst into tears. She said “Janelle you need to get some professional help.” I knew that too but I felt like a failure.

I knew what the problem was and what I needed to change, but I just didn’t know how to. Everything I was trying wasn’t working anymore. I knew it wasn’t going to be a quick fix. I needed a sounding board to make these changes in a way that would give me a long-term outcome. I decided to visit a recommended psychologist to see if together we could give my brain some peace and quiet. I had to ask for help.

This is often the case with the many families I have helped with baby sleep. They know things need to change, but they just don’t know how. They want support – that is the key to long-term success.

Lots of friends and family can give you tips and advice. You can buy a book and find the answers yourself. I could have bought a self-help book and tried to do it myself but there comes a time to seek out professional help. It is not as scary as you may think. What is the worst that could happen? What is the best that could happen?

If you feel that the time is right for you so seek professional help for your baby’s sleep, I am here for you. Reach out and contact me. I understand – I have been there too.

www.sleepytime.net.au

Janelle Jeffery

Sleep Coach, Teacher, Mother and Wife

"Sleep Training" is a Dirty Word

Since becoming a child sleep consultant and the birth of Sleepytime (www.sleepytime.net.au), my eyes have been opened to the world of mummy bashing and misunderstanding.

When talking to parents about what I do, or post on Facebook, write an email or whatever; I am very, very careful not to mention the phrase “sleep training." Why? It is taboo, a dirty word. I do not want to be condemned for it nor associated with it.

I started to question myself lately as to why I had such a problem with it. It was because it made me feel icky. When you hear “sleep training” you think of this right?

We immediately conjure up this picture of this teeny, tiny child being put through its paces. The sweat and tears to reach the ultimate goal of baby sleeping through the night. Hurrah!

Well guess what? Sleep consultants (good ones!!) DO NOT train babies, they TRAIN PARENTS. The definition of the word ‘training’ says it all. Training is the “acquisition of knowledge and skills.” A baby cannot do this. The word ‘training’ also means; instruction, teaching, coaching, guiding and educating.

A reputable sleep consultant (see below) actually spends the time educating parents as to why their child is having difficulty sleeping through the night and trouble with having decent naps in the day. They look at the big picture. They do not simply try to bandaid it and sell you a quick fix solution. Sleep consultants understand the why, and they teach parents what they need to do to make things better for the entire family.

Sleep training is about giving parents the skills and tools to make those changes using the most gentle and effective way possible, putting the needs of the baby first. It is about empowering parents so THEY feel confident in what THEY are doing. Choose a sleep consultant that will listen to you and tailor a program to meet the needs of YOUR family.

The most important role of any sleep consultant is to provide guidance and support to the parents during this transition. Yep, it can be a bumpy road but it is important for parents to have someone on hand to instruct them through this. Someone to hold his or her hand. Someone to be there if things get a little rough.

If you need to get fit, you hire a personal trainer. My nephew goes to basketball and football training every week. When you start a new job you get ‘on the job training'. Being educated and learning new skills is at the core of our existence.

So, my dirty little secret is finally out. Phew, I feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I, Janelle Jeffery am a sleep trainer. I do not train babies but I sure do train parents. I am able to give families the best gift ever - the gift of sleep and I am proud of myself that I am able to offer this to tired and exhausted families living all over the world.

Sleep well,

Janelle Jeffery

Mum, wife, child sleep consultant and teacher

Make sure you check the following criteria BEFORE hiring any child sleep consultant.

·      Are they qualified?

·      Will they tailor a program to suit the needs of your child?

·      Will they listen to your concerns?

·      Will they be there to support you every step of the way?

I offer a FREE 15 MIN Phone consultation. Contact me below:

Web: www.sleepytime.net.au

Facebook: www.facebook.com/SleepytimeJanelleJefferySleepConsultant

Phone: +61 432 688 712

Email: janelle@sleepytime.net.au

Just One Child

Growing up I had my life all mapped out before it really began. Once I had finished university, I would travel the world, meet my hunky husband, get married at 25, and have 2 kids before I turned 30. Yep, that was the plan, and I am a planner!

Well I have recently turned 35 and I can pretty much tick off most things on that list. I finished university with a Bachelor of Education, travelled the world, meet and married my Englishman, got married at 26 (close) and had my first baby at 31 (not too far off either).

It took my husband and I 18months to fall pregnant with Miss E. We were thrilled and relieved that it had finally happened. In my head, I would have had the next baby quite close, but in reality, I found the adjustment from full-time teacher, jetsetter and wine connoisseur to full-time boob, vomit washer and bum cleaner difficult. We decided to wait a while before trying for the next one.

So Miss E turned 2 and we knew the time was right. Fast forward and Miss E is turning 4 and there is no baby. What I have difficulty with is when strangers ask, “so how many children do you have?” My response is always the same “just one”. I don’t have a problem with the question; I have a problem with the answer – ‘just’. Miss E should never be a ‘just’, she doesn’t deserve that. She is my everything and we are truly blessed to be given ‘one’. That ‘just one’ makes my tummy hurt and makes me a little sad too.

Honestly, some days I feel relieved I have one child. I get lots of time with her, we are so very close, and she is out of nappies – hurray! Some days I feel like I have let Miss E down. When she sees siblings playing together, she asks me if one day she can be a ‘big sister’ too. This breaks my heart. Have I failed her?

So, to my ‘big girl’ Miss E, I love you to the moon and back. I may not be able to give you a sibling, but I can give you my heart. I will try to choose my words more carefully next time, as I never want you to be a “just one”. I want you to be “the one!”

Sleep well,

Janelle  Jeffery

Child Sleep Consultant (Sleepytime), Teacher and Mother.

www.sleepytime.net.au
https://www.facebook.com/SleepytimeJanelleJefferySleepConsultant

No Nap - No way!

Since my daughter turned three, everyone was telling me to "drop that nap!" My daughter was always late to drop all her previous naps, so I wanted her to keep it for two main reasons:

1- I wanted her to be ready

2- I wasn’t ready

When she hit 3.5yrs her night sleep started going down hill. She was showing signs of needing to drop that nap. Miss E would either fight going down at all for her nap, or she would sleep for three hours or more. The long nap seemed like a gift- but what it meant was that she took forever to fall asleep at night. Some nights it took over an hour for her to finally fall asleep and that was with numerous visits to her bedroom begging her to ‘settle down’ or sternly stating, “it’s sleepytime” over the monitor.

BUT- I wasn’t ready. How would I get all my jobs done during the day without it? Where would I squeeze in “me time” during the day? No nap- no way!

Finally a close friend gave me a reason that finally encouraged me to give it up. She said, “Think about all the things you WILL be able to do during the day. Not having to race home in the middle of the day for her nap is a bonus.” Ok I may be losing out in some areas, but having the freedom to go out and stay out sounded wonderful. I was ready to give it a go.

For quite a few weeks, Miss E would be really tired during the day and she would even fall asleep in the car. I decided that on some days I would pop on a movie after lunch and let her snuggle her cuddly toy. This allowed me to have some time to myself and it gave her quiet time without the sleep.  This really worked well for us.

Ok- occasionally I do offer her that midday nap. I am very concerned about Miss E becoming ‘overtired’ so if I really feel that she is just not going to make it until bedtime without a meltdown – I limit the nap to 1 hour and I put her to bed later in the evening.

Since accepting that Miss E was getting older and saying ‘farewell’ to the nap, night times have improved ten fold.

Even though friends and my own expertise were telling me to do something, until I was ready to make that change, I felt it just wasn’t going to work.

Are you ready to drop that nap?

Sleep well,

Janelle Jeffery

www.sleepytime.net.au

Photo by Jen Cerebe Photography (2013)

Child Sleep Apnoea - The day my daughter nearly died

Well, a while ago, I nearly lost my daughter. It’s funny because most of the time I forget, and that is ok. Life goes on. She is fine now. Just get over it. What people don’t know is that I will never forget that moment when my daughter stopped breathing and I could have lost her forever. It changes a person.

Emily was a reflux baby. Gosh, it was a miracle when she wasn’t throwing up all over the place. By about 7 months, it had resolved itself and thankfully we all moved on. From 8 months old, she developed this constant running nose. She was one of those ‘snotty kids’. By 10 months old, she could wipe her own nose with a tissue it was that bad. We thought about buying shares in Kleenix! This runny nose coincided with her starting daycare.

After months and months of colds and ear infections that simply would never go away, I was adamant that something was not right. Often being fobbed off by doctors that is was ‘environmental’ due to daycare, I was thinking I was becoming just another paranoid, over sensitive mum.

The biggest red flag for me was that she was always tired. Emily was an awesome sleeper. She slept through the night – all night and took very long naps during the day. I just couldn’t understand how on earth she was constantly exhausted.

We finally got a referral to an ENT. During the appointment, he was once again fobbing me off. He told me it would pass and to just accept it. I felt frustrated and deflated. I wanted answers. He suggested if I really wanted to, I could take her for an over-night sleep test. Would I, wouldn’t I? Maybe it was all in my head.

Long story short, I did take her for that test and guess what? She was diagnosed with ‘severe sleep apnoea’ and required surgery immediately as the strain on her heart and body was immense – she could have died. This is not the time I nearly lost her. The story continues.

So at 18months, Emily was booked in to have her tonsils and adenoids removed and grommets inserted into her ears. There are always risks when performing surgery on babies. We were told this but what choice did we have?

The day Emily went into hospital, we were nervous but relieved this problem was going to be sorted once and for all. Robert my husband kissed her ‘good-bye’ as she went into theatre. We waited patiently for her return.

The minutes were ticking by. No news. More minutes when by. No news. We were starting to get worried. Finally she was out. Phew! I was allowed to go into recovery to see her. There they told me that Emily had stopped breathing in theatre but they got her back. This was not the time I nearly lost her either.

Emily was starting to breath on her own so the nurses were preparing to wheel her onto the ward. Then it happened. Emily stopped breathing right before my eyes. Alarms, sirens, running, shouting – it IS just like the movies. Here I was, watching my daughter die. Silence. Spinning. Was this really happening?

A few minutes later – a lifetime for me, Emily started breathing. This was the moment I nearly lost my daughter, my only daughter, forever.

I don’t ever talk about this with friends and family. I don’t feel I need to. Why am I sharing it with you? I learnt a valuable lesson, and I want to tell every parent.

“You know your child best. Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer. If you truly believe something is not right – find someone who will listen.”

Today Emily is a happy and healthy three year old. I am a lucky mum to have her in my life. I am thankful for all the staff at Princess Margaret Hospital. I am proud that I listened to my inner voice. I have a wonderful husband who supported me through this. Life is good.

Take care and sleep well,

Janelle

www.sleepytime.net.au

Does your child have 'Jack-in-the-box' Syndrome?

What did you say? I said ‘Jack-in-the-box syndrome! This is a child who just loves getting out of bed to see where you are and what you are up to- all hours of the night!!! You walk them back to their bed, and before you know it they are hot on your heels.

This can be frustrating and exhausting for parents who eventually ‘give up’ and let their child either sleep on the couch or hop into their bed, just so the family can get a little sleep. This problem is very common and it usually starts around 2-3 years of age. I speak with many families whereby the dad has been banished from the bed altogether. This sleeping arrangement is not sustainable, nor is it healthy for your relationship with your partner. Your bed is YOUR bed and that is the way it needs to be so you can all get a good night’s sleep.

So, what can you do?

Wait to Transition into a Bed

I would not transition a toddler into a ‘big bed’ until at least 2.5 years of age. The later, the better! Many parents transition their child far too early, trying to fix an existing bad sleep situation only to find it’s worse now they have the freedom to get out on their own.

Communication

Even if your child is not completely verbal, their understanding is amazing. During the day set the expectations for the night in simple ‘kid-friendly’ language. Tell them they will stay in bed the entire night until it’s morning time (at least 6am). I like using a visual timetable that outlines each step of the bedtime routine with the last picture showing them in their bed. Get creative! Bedtime is non-negotiable from here on in.

Rewards

Children are egocentric. If there is something in if for them, they will want to do it. Get a reward chart ready to go and make a big deal about it. Get a ‘treat bag’ and fill it with little surprises. These do not need to be expensive. Items such as books, hair clips, cars and play-dough work well. Each night they remain in their bed, they will earn a sticker on their chart as well as a treat from the bag. Work towards a surprise at the end, like an outing or a special toy.

Consistency

Children test boundaries. They need to know that the rules are the rules no matter what. Rules enable them feel safe and secure in their environment. Children will try and try again to work around the rules BUT really they want you to say ‘NO’. Once you ‘give in’ you will create a bigger problem. Children quickly learn that you mean what you say only some of the time. You need to be strong and firm and have routines in place. If you are consistent all of the time, then the transition will be a lot easier. Change is hard for everybody and it will be met with some protest from your child. Remember you are doing what is best for them AND for your entire family.

Fun

Make bedtime fun. You don’t want your little one dreading bedtime because it’s when they are banished to their room, alone, missing out on the fun elsewhere. Sing songs, read a book together, talk about the day. Purchase some special pyjamas and let them choose which ones to wear.

All children at some stage will want to get out of bed and hop into yours. Armed with this knowledge, the key to success is to be prepared for it. Each night needs to be predictable and you need to be consistent. I have provided some simple tips that can certainly improve the sleep situation overall. The good news is that it is achievable but toddlers/children can be tricky customers. If you find that it is all too difficult, remember I can help you to solve this once and for all with a tailored plan and support program. Contact me today for more information. www.sleepytime.net.au

Janelle Jeffery- Sleepytime

www.sleepytime.net.au

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